Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Want an Erection!

“I had an erection four years back.”

I was taken aback by the unusual statement and did not know how to respond.

“It was in government college and I had lots of pains.”

No clue as to why he chose to confide in me and what I was expected to do.

“But afterwards no problems.”

That was good anyway and I was about to ask him why he is telling me about it, when he continued

“Now another teeths is paining and I want erection. I have pains on all the jaws.”

The tube was alight. He had tooth ache and wanted an extraction. He had an extraction four years back at dental college which was painful.

It is not uncommon for me to hear ‘Butler English’ from my patients. Most of my patients know that I understand Konkani but there are a few who cannot associate ‘Raghunandan’ with their language. They speak to me in Marathi or English. They try their best to make me understand what they have to say and make a mess of it as my Marathi is bad and their English is worse. They usually heave a sigh of relief when I say “Konkani ulayat” (speak in Konkani).

But this man was not prepared to let go of his English and switch to Konkani even after I suggested it and I can’t refuse to remove his tooth just because he sticks to his English and wants an erection and not an extraction. Specially so after he said,

“I did not bite foods for three days”

He was otherwise very humble and cooperative and I located the offending tooth and prepared to extract it. I injected the local. After that He sat quietly for a few minutes. Then he tapped his tooth with his finger, pinched his cheek and said,

“I have some sense”

I thanked god for that but assured him that he does not have any sense in his jaws, removed his tooth, collected my fee and sent him off.

PS: I swear that I did not concoct this just because I could not find any material for my post for the past three weeks.