Gandhigiri Works!

I had finished my morning chores and had settled down with the news paper.  My wife went out to get flowers for her ‘pooja’ (worship). I had just managed to gloss over the Kejriwal item on the front page (a permanent fixture nowadays) and was proceeding towards the exchanges between Rahul and Modi (another permanent fixture) when she returned, flashing her eyes

 “Not a single flower in the plant and you are sitting here reading your paper”.

“What do I do if there are no flowers? I can only water the plants, pour manure and hope they will oblige. I can’t force them to give out flowers.”

“You don’t have to tell me that. You know what I mean. There were at least half a dozen flower buds last evening and not even one flower now. People are robbing everything and you do nothing. Throw that paper away and do something.”

I folded the paper making it difficult for her to snatch it and asked “Half a dozen buds? Where were they?”

“Where???  On the plant. Where else?”

“I mean which part of the plant? Ours or theirs?”

See the bud on the branch flowing out of the compound? - It is their's

All the plants which are in front of our house have two parts. The flowers that are on the branches facing the road are ‘theirs’. The pious flower thieves, who are dependent up on the flowers in other’s gardens for their morning worship. They are available to them on ‘first come first served’ basis. Those on the branches facing the house are ours. The owners. I am Ok with that arrangement. I was a freelancer myself once and understand the temptation.

“I am telling you that your neighbor does not care where the flowers are.  He even comes into the compound to search and takes everything away. You just can’t keep quiet. You have to tell him to leave our flowers alone.”

Now she was focusing on the point.  Her complaint was about my immediate neighbor who has enough plants in his own compound but comes out every morning to get the small white flowers from the roadside plant right next to my house. I believe they are a must for his rituals. Having come out, he also claims some of our flowers and offers them to his gods to enhance the results. My wife was not aware of this. One day when I returned early from my swimming I saw two hibiscus in his bowl and made the mistake of mentioning it to her. Now he is the first suspect for every missing flower.  She wants me to tell him that he is a thief and warn him not to lay his hands on our flowers.

Type of carnation, called 'nandi Battalu' in kannada, must for my neighbour;s worship

It is not easy for me to do that. You see we are neighbours and have cordial relations. He invites us for their annual Satyanarayana pooja and the females in his family - wives of the three brothers and their three daughters, six in all - make up the major chunk of invitees for my wife’s Gauri pooja.  And I have not seen him actually plucking my flowers – though we know it to be a fact.  

“Let it be” I tried to placate my wife.  “He takes the flowers and places them on the idols that he worships and so do you. You know that nothing misses the god’s eyes. (Here I tried to tell her Kanakadasa’s story - eating a banana when no one is seeing- but she was in no mood to listen) He knows that they are your flowers. You will get the credit.”

 “Don’t teach me philosophy. I can do it better than you. I want flowers for my pooja and that is it. If you do not have the face to claim your property so be it. Go to the market every morning and buy flowers for my pooja.”

I went down and saw the plant. It was true. We have three hibiscus plants in pour compound and the two next to the compound, facing the road, were totally bereft of flowers. Not just my wife but the sun birds would also be very much disappointed.

Large pink hibiscus - Sun bird's favourite

A pair of sunbirds come early evening everyday looking for nectar and insects. Though they are partial to the large pink hibiscus, they do fly around the other hibiscus plants, poke their beaks into the flowers and try their luck. When there are no flowers they just fly around the plants and go away disappointed. I may get flowers from the market for my wife but what about the birds? I had to do something.  But accosting my neighbor and telling him to his face not to take our flowers was quite embarrassing for me. I was wondering what to do when I remembered Munnabhai’s ‘Gandhigiri’.

The next Sunday (Holiday for our swimming pool) instead of going for my long walk I just took a short stroll and returned early. I was pottering around in the back yard till I heard my neighbour’s gate opening. He has a huge metal gate which slides on metal wheels making a lot of noise. I came into his view when he had just finished the road side plant and was walking towards our hibiscus. He saw me and stopped in his tracks abruptly. But he recovered fast and asked me casually,

My neighbour's gate

“Good morning doctor. No swimming today?”

“The pool is closed. I finished my walk early. Got enough flowers? I think it is already time for your ‘pooja’. I hear your bell ringing (the hand held sacred bell used in worship)and your reciting the ‘mantras’ (sacred verses) everyday and it goes on for a long time. I think you need a lot of flowers. You may take flowers from these plants too” I plucked two flowers from the plant and offered them to him “Just leave a few for us. We are not so particular about our rituals.”

He came forward to accept the flowers but responded with “No no no. I have enough flowers in my compound. I come for these small white ones which are a must for the worship. I do not need your flowers. Thank you.” He went back hurriedly pulling his gate in place.

All my flowers have been safe since then and my wife very generously leaves out a few  everyday for the birds.  

Gandhigiri works!

Mango Mood

Mango trees around my house are in full bloom. If all the flowers translate into fruits, there should be a bumper mango crop. I do not get any fruits from the trees that I see but if that is the trend and if there is a bountiful crop this season, mango prices should come within my reach. That is the wishful hope.

Prices of the most favoured variety of mangoes in Goa, the ‘Mankurad,’ usually start at an atrocious two thousand rupees a dozen and as more and more fruits trickle or pour in, (depending on the harvest) the price comes down and settles between Rs 300-600, depending on the size and quality. (The best quality is totally fibre free, wonderfully flavoured, cuts like butter and has a very small seed/pit. Real delight!)

At the very beginning of the season, the hawkers usually have just a dozen or two with them and treat their ware like gold. What surprises me is that there are always people who buy at that price! I am curious to find out who buys them and have tried to witness an actual transaction by standing at a vantage point close to the sellers without being obvious about it, but have failed. My curiosity has only resulted in getting an irritated “I do not know why it takes you so long to bring a kilo of onions from the market” from my wife.  Sometimes I am sent to the market twice in a morning with a near  apologetic “Oh, I am sorry, I totally forgot about coconut and I just cannot manage without one” and I take the opportunity to look up on the golden ‘mankurads’ once again. Since I do not see any in front of the hawker who had been offering them at two thousand, I conclude that they were sold. By circumstantial evidence.

I have attempted to confirm the real selling price by bargaining with the hawkers but have only managed to get a disdainful look in response.  My father in law says that he once received a comment "ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮುಖ ನೋಡಿದ್ರೆ ನೀವು ಹಣ್ಣು ತೊಗೊಳೋ ಹಾಗೆ ಕಾಣಲ್ಲ ಸ್ವಾಮಿ, ಸುಮ್ನೆ ಯಾಕೆ ಕೇಳ್ತಿರೀ " from a street hawker in Bangalore. (You don't look like you can afford to buy these fruits. Why do you ask?)  No one has actually said that to my face here but my wife says, dressed in my market attire of half pants, faded T shirt and a faded cap on top of an even more faded face and carrying a cloth bag (not faded - because it has been stitched using the cloth which till recently was the seat in an armchair, now turned inside out) I look like a vagabond not good even for two hundred rupees and it is a surprise that I get any looks from the vendors at all!

So, if a bumper crop brings down mango prices this season, to, say vagabond levels, I may be noticed as a customer in the market too!

Free Service Taketh away - Free Check Up Giveth.

I had taken my car for the ‘second free servicing’. (Six months from date of purchase or five thousand kilometers  - whichever is earlier)

“It has done more than five thousand kilometers sir” the service engineer said, “we will do the servicing and I suggest that you get wheel rotation, balancing and alignment done”.

“That’s fine.” I said.

“But wheel alignment and balancing are not part of free service sir. It will be six hundred rupees.”

“OK”

He proceeded to check the vehicle.

“The silencer coating has not been done sir. Better to do it now. The nuts and bolts rust very fast and no point doing the coating after that.”

“OK, do it”

He lifted the bonnet.

“Lot of dust on the engine sir. Shall we do the engine coating also? It will reduce dust collection and makes it easy to clean”

“What will be the cost?”

“Silencer and engine coating together would be one thousand five hundred sir”

I had to say yes.

Then he opened the door.

“Sir, don’t you want to put seat covers?”

“No” I said. “It is quite ok as it is. It looks and feels fine.”

“But look here sir.” He showed me a corner of the seat. “See, something has rubbed here and the fibres are sticking out. If there is a tear, you will have to replace the whole seat”

I had not thought about that. Our car boot is not big and sometimes we keep luggage on the back seat. There is a possibility of damage.

“What is the cost of the covers?”

“You please check with the accessories section sir. There is a discount available. But it is better that we put the seat covers”

 I went to the accessories section and selected a set of covers which cost three thousand five hundred after ‘discount’.

The car was delivered in the evening after the second ‘free’ servicing along with a bill for five thousand rupees.

To boost their sales, Colgate Palmolive organises a ‘Free Dental Check up Month’ every year and I had enlisted as a participating dentist. During the later years I opted out of it but I think the company has not ‘delisted’ me. As a result, I received a call from a gentleman who wanted a ‘free’ check up. I did not want to disappoint him and asked him to come.

I directed him to the chair.

“What will be the fee doctor?”

“There will be no fee. This is a ‘free dental check up.”

“I have no trouble as such doctor. I just want to make sure that things are OK.”

I examined his teeth. “You have a good set of teeth. But there is a bit of tartar on some of them and it is better you get it cleaned. It is not urgent and you may get it done whenever and where ever you wish.”

“Can you please do it now doctor?  I am expecting a call from my employers abroad and may have to leave the country any time.”

I did the cleaning. During cleaning he experienced a bit of sensitivity in one of his grinders and I found a depression on the tooth. It was not decay. The tooth was worn out. I told him so.

“Can it be filled doctor?”

“There is no need for a filling there. Just make sure that you do not rub very hard on that tooth when you brush. And always use a soft brush. It may have to be filled if it gets deeper.”

“Please fill it if you can, doctor. Sometimes I find food getting stuck there.”

I did the filling.

“My wife says that sometimes I grind my teeth at night. Is that all right?”

“Well, if you have that habit the tooth wears out faster. The filling may not last long even. You may use a night guard to protect your teeth.”

“What is this night guard?”

“It is an appliance made out of soft plastic which fits and covers all your teeth. You put it on your teeth when you go to bed and remove it in the morning. It will prevent damage to your teeth even if you grind them sometime at night.”

“Where is it available doctor?”

“It will not be available in the shops. It is not ready made. I can get it done for you if you want.”

“Can it be done in a day or two? I may have to leave the moment I get the call.”

I said that I can and prepared the moulds of his teeth then and there. I told him that I will call him as soon as the night guard is ready and that he can come and collect it.”

He left after the ‘free dental check up’ paying me about five thousand rupees in all.

Model of Patient's teeth at the bottom. 'Night Guard' (meaning easy money) at the top.

Lord taketh away but the lord giveth too.

Rather, Free service taketh away but Free check up giveth.