words for breakfast

She : I intend planting a banana plant in our garden.
Me : I do not intend planting any more plants. As it is, we are not able to take care of what we have planted already.
She : I do water the plants.
Me : Once a week. And that is all they get.
She : What else do they need?
Me : If you want to maintain a garden you need to weed, spray the plants, add manure and water them EVERY DAY.
She : We are not professional gardeners. We only have a home garden. Yesterday evening I went to the market, the day before I had to visit Parkar’s house for pooja. Otherwise I water the plants daily.
Me : That apart, there is no space for any more plants. You have filled all the space with whatever rubbish your friends have offered. Any way, we will see when we get a sapling of good variety.
She: Mrs. Joshi called. She said that we can take the one that they have in their house.
Me : Mrs Joshi stays in the third floor. I am sure she is not growing banana in her flat.
She : She is not growing any. They had brought two saplings for decoration during Ganapati pooja.
Me : But Ganapati pooja was last week.
She : She said that she has retained the saplings after dismantling the mantap.
Me : You intend bringing the saplings which have been uprooted five days back? Don’t you have any sense? Mrs Joshi does not want to climb down three floors and walk to the garbage bin and she wants you to do it. Don’t be a fool. Forget about it.

We visited the Joshi’s a day after the above dialogue for some other reason. I did not see any banana plant.

The next day my son opened the boot of the car.

Son : (shouting from the parking) Appa, what is it in the boot?
Me : What is there?
He : There is something which looks like a limb of a person murdered sometime back.
Me : Throw it out.
He : I have had my bath and am on the way to the college. I will not touch it. You please take it out.

It was the stem of the banana sapling. Mrs Joshi had chopped off the top to make it easy to carry and my wife had managed to smuggle it into the boot.

Me : (shouting aloud) What is this nonsense in the car.
She : (shouting back louder) Throw it out if you don’t want it.
Me : You are the one who brought it. You please do it.

I took it out and placed it next to the gate where it remained for the next five days.

Me : (after five days) It was idiotic of you to have brought that rotting banana stem. Having been stupid enough to bring it, you should have carried on your stupidity and planted it. Now Mrs Joshi feels that she has favoured us by parting with her rotting banana stem and you have to carry it to the garbage bin.

The next day the rotting stem was not near the gate. I had won the banana plant round at last. I gave a winning TOLD YOU SO look and smiled. She pointed to a corner in our garden. The banana stem had really been planted there fifteen days after having been uprooted and after having it’s head chopped off! I sighed and threw down my hands. There was no end to this lady’s stupidity.
When I watered the plants I ignored it. My wife kept watering it.

Last week I was astonished to find a thin rolled plantain leaf sprouting at the top. And this is what it is today. I ate all my words for breakfast this morning. I hope to eat the banana fruit one day.