A 'swamiji' in my clinic

It is believed that if you do not offer water to one who is thirsty or prevent him/her from drinking water, you would be born as a lizard in your next life. Similarly, if you disturb one’s sleep, you may expect to be re born as a bed bug. I do not know the punishment for preventing some one from eating, but I am sure to take that form in my next life. I have prevented a lot of people from eating, though for a short duration. But there are many more unfortunate ones who have been forced to forego their meals for weeks together. Yesterday, one of my patients who had a wisdom tooth removed months back, was complaining that his tongue is still numb and he is unable to eat anything. I believe he has lost ten kilos ( he did look slim). I do not know whether to sympathize with this gentleman for the loss of feeling and taste in his tongue, or rejoice over the new found technique for making people loose weight, and cash up on it. “Pay for relief from tooth ache. Weight loss free !!” Not a bad slogan.
In any case, if you find something familiar about the cockroach, crow, rat or dog (my wish list for the next life) that you meet in your next lives, you know why it looks familiar.
While I commit the crime of preventing some one from eating, almost on a daily basis, I even achieved the feat of removing one tooth and making hundreds starve, once!

I met the swamiji for the first time when he came with a request for getting a golden tooth fixed in his mouth. He was in his thirties, well built, with lush black hair flowing on to his shoulders. He wore a shiny ochre coloured dhoti and was covered in a similar top cloth. He sported a coin sized red religious mark on his forehead. There were two thick gold ear rings in his ear lobes and a slightly thinner pair pierced on top of the ear. There were rings on almost all his fingers, each one with a different coloured stone. He wore gold bracelets and arm bands. ‘Rudraakshas’ strung in gold adorned his neck. There were anklets on his legs and rings on the toes. With his feet clad in clattering wooden sandals, he made a spectacular entry into my clinic more than ten years back and has remained my patient ever since.

He is the religious head of one of the lesser known Hindu religious sects. I believe, during a casual periodic examination of his Horoscope - akin to an annual medical check up- the stars and planets which influence his fate, decided that the swamiji should wear another golden article on the right side of his body. Since all other parts of the body were already occupied by a gold ornament, it was suggested that a golden tooth be fixed. (I do not know what effect it had on the swamiji. But the decision brought good luck to me, at a time when the practice was slow.) Out of professional ethics, I did try to dissuade the swamiji from grinding out a perfectly normal tooth to accommodate a cap, but he persisted. The planets were definitely in my favour. I made a golden cap for his right ‘eye tooth’. He was very happy with the effect. I remembered to suggest to the professor of prosthodontics, in the dental college, to add one more item to the list of ‘Indications for placement of a Jacket crown.’

I did not see him for quite sometime after that. Then, one day I found a dozen of his disciples at my door. There was a united appeal for an immediate appointment as the swamiji wanted a tooth removed. I refused point blank, to remove the tooth if it was advised by the stars. But that was not the case. There was some special occasion, with elaborate rituals, going on at the ashram. A decayed tooth chose this very moment to make it’s presence felt and all of a sudden swamiji had a severe tooth ache. He was unable to concentrate on the celestial guests who had come over to get themselves worshipped. This time the tooth determined extraction and the planets had no role to play.
Minutes later, a cavalcade of few cars and half a dozen two wheelers blocked the narrow road in front of my clinic and the swamiji was led in. I finished the extraction fast and he was able to get back with in half an hour and attend to his guests. His disciples were delighted. Everything was fine.

I had my lunch and was half way through my afternoon nap when the bell rang. It was the group of disciples again. The swamiji was able to carry on with the rituals and had completed them to the satisfaction of all concerned. The gods had accepted the offerings, blessed the congregation and left. It was time for everyone to take care of their stomachs. And a difficulty arose now. The swamiji’s jaws were still numb and he was unable to move them and eat. And since the swamiji had not eaten, the hundreds of followers who had assembled, anticipating the feast, were also starving. I had removed one tooth and had made hundreds starve! I was expected to go to the ashram, give some antidote to my local anesthesia and see that the swamiji is able to eat. Now, we are one way experts. We can make the jaws numb. Bring them back to normal? Sorry. No way. But there were hundreds of empty stomachs looking up to me. And, I did not intend going lower than the cockroach in my next life. I went to the ashram carrying an ampoule of vitamins and a syringe. I was half expecting to be lynched by the followers for immobilizing the swamiji’s jaws. But they were very respectful. As the swamiji’s doctor, apparently my status was quite high. The huge crowd which was anxiously surrounding their guruji parted. I made a big show of a thorough examination, pretended as if I found out the cause of trouble and injected the vitamins. Then I massaged the jaws, pulled out the lips and tongue and asked the swamiji to move his jaws. There was nothing wrong with them any way and to everybody’s surprise and relief he could! He smiled and slowly took in a spoonful of kheer. I looked about me hoping to find large scale appreciation and gratitude. But all the disciples were rushing out into the dining hall. The miracle dentist was forgotten. “ Upaadhyaayashcha vaidyashcha kaaryaante aprayojakah” says the sanskrit verse. “The teacher and the doctor are useless after the work is done”. This was some years back.

The swamiji was here this morning again and I recollected all these. This time he came for the treatment of his front teeth. The price he had to pay for being elevated to a higher rank. I believe his guru has promoted him to the rank of ‘yogiraj’ from mere ‘yogi’. With the elevation in the rank there is a change of insignia. Just like our majors and generals. Now his ears are adorned with ‘karna kundals’ – two very thick, may be half an inch thick- ear rings, not of gold but looking like some wooden material. They hang from the only place free of rings in his ears, the middle hollow part. Who ever worked them into his ears must have used a pick axe. I did not ask whether it was done under anaesthesia. There must have been some painful ritual associated with it because he said that soon after they were placed, he felt giddy and fell down on his face, breaking his two front teeth. It is not easy going nearer to the gods, alive. I have started the RCT and will have to place a crown also. I have no idea what decision the stars take about the material to be used for the crowns, but this time they are being used for the purpose for which they are meant.